Admitted Failure

With the start of school everything becomes a blur. You lose all track of your life outside those four color coded walls, it is easy to forget how to think quietly as every thought you process is external for the benefit of your students.

For the first time ever I have classroom all of my very own, 29 lil babes to shape and mold. Its a mighty task and one that is also completely terrifying.

I have not been focused enough on myself these past few months, thusly why I began to write here again in this unread public forum. I tried to make a promise to write daily but alas, life has taken priority and that single hour I have between jobs and commutes and making lunches and occasionally eating said lunches, fills up pretty quick. Lucky for me I am a chronic insomniac with an inability to sleep. I mean honestly of all the things to not excel at, sleep should be a given.

I have however been trying to live the promise of #100happydays and have been making sure I acknowledge one thing that has made the day worth while and that hope remains alive life is still worth waking up at 530am for.

Today's happy moment came during an observation at school. Day two and we are already getting observations, can ya tell its strict? Anywho... I was a bit petrified and tried not to let the shaking of knees trickle through in the lesson I was trying to get across when the principal parked her laptop at my desk and stared at me. What I thought was the biggest bumbled explanation of citations, she raved about kn her email later on. Guess I should be feeling a little more confident eh?

Goodnight friends, here's to hoping the next time I change positions its the one to make the sleep happen not the fast forward two hours and we are still awake somehow phenomena....

It's Official!

Yesterday's happy moment was spent at the DMV a place normally reserved for purgatory thoughts and the longest wait lines ever. It does not matter in the slightest to the workers who you are or who you think you are, they remain consistently the most powerful people in your life in those moments, I'm sure even the President has to take a number.  I was there yesterday to finally become an officially registered driver and voter in the state of Colorado, it has taken only 15 months and three failed attempts to make it, but it has been well worth it. I just wish I knew what the picture looks like because the powers that be gave me a piece of paper and said they would mail me my new license??  Can't do anything simple can we DMV??

I made a return to the farmers market today, one of the best ways to spend a Saturday morning in Boulder with people watching that could rival the steps of Notre Dame. The ex works there and so.... No explanation needed as to my absence, but I really wanted flowers and while I did end up bumping into him, I didn't seek him out which was a positive step forward, he approached me while I was twirling my new sunflower in my friend's face.

   

It's a beautiful flower and was not an anxiety ridden interaction and so that is definitely something to be happy about.
Day ten and still going strong!

Boulder the Beautiful

It's not always easy to feel like you belong somewhere. New places are filled with exciting possibilities but are also terrifyingly lonely. Finding friends as an adult is a bigger challenge than you might expect, building trust, allowing strangers to hear about your past, seeking a new friend is just the same as seeking a new lover. The interviews are endless, the laughs may be in abundance but something may still feel like its missing, and sometimes it's a lifelong connection and sometimes it's a brief fling. Kindred spirits are hard to find but cherish them forever when they appear in your life.

Last night was a spectacular example of why this is the place for me. I've spent the past few years bouncing around the country but I think I'm in love with Boulder, and it ain't just a passing flirtation either. A friend of mine's hotel hosted an adventure film festival under the stars, in which the residents of the town first biked up the canyon to the lodge,  then snuggled up on a blanket with snacks and bevies, and watched a series of short films about climbing, biking, or adventuring. Many of these films starred the locals and they awkwardly introduced their own clips.

It was an enormous success and close to 400 people showed up, from an expected 200. Hanging around after listening to even more stories around the firepit made for entertaining summer night.  I believe I am happy day number 7.

This afternoon is a sweltering 95' which us not so unusual for here this time of year, but did seem to pop out of nowhere. I am lucky that I was able to find a table in the shade to get some work done for next week when school starts.

Do More

The rain never stops

Sometimes luck is not on your side, my amazing and healing beach afternoon was cancelled thanks to an ill timed hurricane off the coast of LA.

Every time I have tried to chase the sun this summer I run into storms and clouds and grey gloomy skies which is one hell of a metaphor for my life lately...

 Didn't find the smile I was hoping for this weekend, the rough days continue but so do our moments of finding one thing each terrible hour to cling to hope with


Day four of #100happydays. I finally met the family of one of my best longtime friends from Romania and they were so excited they threw me a BBQ , lost our smile but was remineded that I was able to bring one to someone else so they are who we dedicate #4.

Day Three

No explanation needed.

100 Happy Days

Ok ok so I didn't start yesterday like I was supposed to, but not because I wasn't thinking about it I simply ran out of time


Here goes
Day One! - Reconnecting with your besties. I hadn't seen B all summer because we kept going on trips opposite to one another needless to say, homegirl and I did not stop talking for about 7 hours and she even hooked me up with a ride to the airport this morning! That's definitely something to be happy about

Day Two- Vegas layover en route to Oxnard to visit one of the best people I know, J from Peace Corps. You always know when the important people in your life will last when you practically fall into their arms with all your worldy goods because you are scared of being late to register, and she has the warmest most excited smile ever. I get to see that woman again tomorrow and will again get to reconnect with a kindred spirit and we will also not likely stop talking for 7 hours.

Happy Days friends

Just do you

It's a mantra that I should probably phrase more elegantly, but let's cut to the chase. I have not been taking care of me, and because of it I have been a cranky lonely bi-yatch to the max, especially to those around me. 

Well I read about this trend thing of 100 Happy Days, and its about finding even the smallest piece of happiness in your day and taking it by balls and loving the shit out of it. 

I'll start tomorrow. 

Until then, take care of you and get your bum off the couch and hit the treadmill. Oh wait I'm talking to me :) 

Phase One: Find our smile again 

Summer Rain

Well it sure has been awhile, but I am thinking I shall get back into logging adventures again. A simple day today nothing out of the ordinary, but one in which I felt good about. I haven't really felt like myself lately,  many private dramatics, which tend to take your smile away for awhile. It has been raining here in Colorado everyday for about two months now, although earlier today I was lucky enough to take a nap by the pool and soak up some much needed Vitamin D.

Upon my return Zi decided it was his first time to begin his cuddles since I got him back three weeks ago from mother. She had been caring for him ever since I got back from Romania a few years ago, and a piece of my heart always missed him. He is my little prince once again, and there is something to be said about a  purring kitty to set your mind at ease.

More to be caught up on friends, but for now I shall return to my book, another love I have neglected recently but am trying to find the old pieces of me slowly and surely.